My Personal, Universal View on Aluminium

I might have only been in the welding industry for a year, but I don’t like the way things are going. It’s time for immediate action.

I might be young, but that gives me an instant advantage since it makes me politically savvy, woke and erudite, much more perceptive and clever than everyone older than me. And aluminium? I’m not so sure about its usefulness. A study I just looked up online with no sources said that the world’s supply of aluminium is dwindling, and the only way to make it right is to start making everything out of plastic. Makes sense to me; as nice as Melbourne’s aluminium toolboxes are, it’s about time this city started to really buck the trend and get with the times.

What will the world do if it runs out of aluminium? For one thing, we’ll have to start using something else as foil to keep food fresh. I’m not sure if plastic foil is a real thing, but we’d better start working on it. Industry will be utterly transformed, since we’ll need to replace all our old equipment and put something better and more suitable in its place. Maybe…plastic. It is the way. Our platforms will be made of plastic. Our special aluminium accessories will become plastic accessories. Our gas bottle holders will be made of special plastic resin, treated to withstand intense heat. Obviously this change is coming, and it’s coming fast. If we’re not ahead of the grain we’ll become like the older generation: relentlessly decried for not listening to the signs and going ahead with their hedonistic ways.

It’s not all bad. The aluminium industry might grow smaller, but it’ll become hip and niche. Soon, aluminium toolboxes will be appearing in museums and selling for thousands of Australian dollars a piece. Removable service bodies will be the ultimate sign of status!

Until we start mining Saturn, at least. I think another study said that there’s some aluminium there.


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