I’d Go On TV…For a House

Reality TV is embarrassing to watch, but I’m starting to see the appeal. If you sell your soul, look stupid in front of the whole country (or the whole world, if you do something meme-worthy), spend SO much time running around doing stupid challenges and so much other tiresome stuff, you might get something decent at the end. Like, a lot of money. You could also end up being hated by an entire country, it’s a spin of the wheel really. ¬†What really burns is when I see people go through all that garbage and either get something really bad or nothing at all (because they lost). Like, you wade through a gunge race or lose 60 kg or whatever, and then you get a tea towel. Or a spoon. Or a lifetime supply of something you don’t need.

I’d be demanding a house at the end of all that. Perhaps even several houses. I’d be going to the office of the executive producers and asking to be set up with one of Melbourne’s buyers advocates, so it’s a house that I, myself, chose. And it was a really nice house, because that’s what a buyers advocate does. They find high-end properties, which I would be demanding if I was supposed to wade through a river of slime and answer silly trivia questions about TV shows from the eighties. Honestly, the entire thing just seems like too much risk. You could ruin your social life with one of these things. Lose, and you get nothing, except a strong incentive to move to Chile where nobody watched your horrible performance.

That’s what you need. Incentive. That’s why I’m saying that the prize needs to be something huge, like a really nice house, otherwise it’s not worth it. Give me a Melbourne property advocate and a really nice bit of real estate, and I’ll debase myself as much as you like for the entertainment of the masses.


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