Sometimes I look out at offshore oil rigs and I’m totes jealous. They get to live way out there, with the waves gently lapping at their gigantic metal support columns. The internet connection is probably bad, so they have to find their own entertainment in the old ways, like playing cards, board games and chasing … [Read more…]
They just keep making sequels to things that don’t need them, and people keep going…wait, why? There was the original Germinator, the classic sequel (alright, they’re not all bad) Exterminator (that was the one about when the robot quit his job and had to find purpose in his life), Germinator (it was a weird farming … [Read more…]
My cell phone is running hot because all my friends have it in their heads that I’m some sort of car repairs expert. That was ONE TIME. My friend was having some trouble with her engine, and it was real basic stuff, so I just reached down in there and twisted a few things in … [Read more…]
Why don’t animals wear hats more often? This was the main question keeping me up last night. Usually there are a few, but this one in particular really stuck in my brain as being of particular significance. It’s not like they can all rely on their fur; some animals don’t even have that. There are … [Read more…]
When my sister mentioned in passing that she was having a film crew over, I thought her house had been discovered by location scouts or something. Would they be working on a cop show? An indie flick? Perhaps an ad for stain remover? I wanted to know, so I casually popped over to check out … [Read more…]
My new assistant, Stanley, is getting on my nerves. He’s determined to push this agenda that he seems to have picked up at uni, which essentially boils down to our office not being good enough to elicit peak performance from our team. I’ve tried telling him that it’s been working fine for a good 15 … [Read more…]
I take workplace safety very seriously, at all times. That includes whenever I watch a film…and that’s terrible. I had to walk out of ‘Charlize and the Mock Olfactory’ because the workplace standards for the staff were just absolutely unacceptable. There was one scene where they were operating a commercial deep fryer that was so … [Read more…]
My friend Candice has forever got some epic project underway. Well, her projects always seem like a massive deal to me, but I get the feeling they’re not much to her. We’re talking things like launching an online store that sells bodybuilding supplements, travelling to Switzerland to speak at a global conference, having a nose … [Read more…]
Sure has been a while since my brothers forced me into the pipe system, so I should be grateful they gave me a break this long. Pa installed this thing under the farm himself, so naturally, there are blockages all the time and sometimes it gets mixed with the waste from the house. I’m the … [Read more…]
The younger cousins have raised the valid issue that, when confronting an enemies, there are perhaps better ways to escape into the night than flying across the rooftops. That sort of thing worked really well when we were back in our home country, when all the rooftops were high and angled, perfect for leaping across … [Read more…]